I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The ass gains better be worth it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
