he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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