I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
