people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
