he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
