He disabled his match.com account in front of me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize