she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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