I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
