it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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