If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
