I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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