So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize