I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
