It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
