I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
