HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
