well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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