So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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