you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
