why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
