hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
