just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
