im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
