If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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