What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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