My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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