Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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