Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
