All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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