I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
