pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
