He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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