just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
