new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
