Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
