His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
