The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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