Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
