He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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