Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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