Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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