He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
