I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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