So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The uberlube is also flammable
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
