As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
