can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
