im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
