I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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