I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
