i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
