Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
