Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
